C’est La Vie
Kay. So I went out with some of my guy friends tonight. I did some interesting stuff. I jumped out a window into a pool, had a food fight at the mall, played on some random train tracks, and laughed my ass off when James got a ticket for trying to race a cop.
I only left after the boys brought out the booze. Thanks for the 3 mile walk. You guys are awesome.
But, It was fun. I had fun. It was something I needed.I have to tell you though doing all that stuff with bruised ribs and a sprained wrist, not the greatest of ideas. Whatever though. Totally worth it.
I have been in a kind of funk the last few days and I didn’t really know if I should talk about it or ignore it like I do every other feeling I ever have. But running around and getting out of the house helped some. I know the feeling is still there and most likely it will stay there until I go off and do something extreme. But for now, I’m okay.
But after I left the boys and their booze to walk home, I had time to think. I thought about my friends, my home life, and mainly why I’ve screwed up a few of my recent friendships. What I did to make that happen and how from experience, I know that it’s already too late to fix it. I’ve been beating myself up a lot over it. Even though I know it was a pity friendship in the first place and that I was the backup friend. But, hey what are you gonna do right?
I don’t really know how this went from awesome to depressing in 1.3 seconds. Sorry for anyone who bothers to read this. I start on one topic then somehow end up on another. It’s a thing.
There has been so much on my mind. It hurts. I’m starting to get frequent headaches it hurts so much. I want to let it all out. But I have nobody to tell it to without someone getting hurt or offended in the process. That’s not what I want. I’m so tired of hurting people I might just stop talking altogether. Though people rarely want to talk to me so what would be the point.
I’m sorry. So sorry.
C’est la vie